A Blonde's Perspective - 'Grandma Tomatoes'

By Jan Stadtherr

The juicy tomato was the subject of a column that I wrote 10 years ago. Many friends and family members have commented that it’s their favorite column. A decade later, the garden favorite is haunting me. To update you, the column is as follows:

“One of my most recent blonde moments was this fall as my husband, Ron, and I were driving to Brainerd. As the car meandered around the curves of State Highway 84, a red and white sign at the end of a driveway caught my eye. As we passed the sign, created with an artistic flair by a very creative gal, Cindy, whom I know, I thought to myself, “Is Cindy selling sandals?” 

“And to unintentionally prove to my husband that he was married to a Dumb Blonde, I asked him, “What are ToMaToes?” (I pronounced the word as Toe Ma Toes as the letters, T, M, and T were raised slightly higher than the other letters on the sign.) After a few seconds of silence, Ron responded with a big, “HUH?” After his response, I realized that tomatoes were being sold, not sandals! It was at that moment I discovered that I was never so embarrassed in front of the man I love as I was with just the two of us in the car. While Ron shook his head in wonderment, I laughed hysterically once again at myself. I’ve shared this story with friends, and have been asked to repeat it many times.”

The above story is just one of the many blonde bloopers in my life. But again, do I attribute it to the color of my hair or is it my age? After all, blondes do have more fun!

In the past 10 years, my daughter, Tracy, gave me a dish towel which said, “Love you from my head to-ma-toes” with a cute smiling tomato. It hangs in the kitchen. I’ve never used it, but it creates many comments.

This past fall, she gave me a small decorator pillow that is embroidered with “tomato,” and below, in larger raised print, is “TO-MAH-TO”. The two “O” letters are red tomatoes.

I glanced at that pillow nearly every day and figured out that the word, tomato, was spelled wrong. The next time Tracy and her family came for the weekend, I told them that the word was incorrectly spelled. They looked at it and started to laugh. “Mom, there is no “e” at the end of tomato, and you’re a writer so you should know!” As everyone laughed at my blooper, I realized they were right. I felt like a dumbest blonde as I laughed at myself as well.

For 10 years, I’ve acquired a new name -- Grandma Tomatoes.

This entire episode brings me back to 1992 when Vice President Dan Quayle was visiting an elementary school in New Jersey where a spelling bee was taking place. A 12-year-old student was asked to spell “potato” on the board. VP Quayle told the student that the letter “e” should be at the end of the word. Laughter filled the classroom.

The vice president later admitted he couldn’t believe what he did. However, further research showed that flash cards were used. The word, potato, was spelled with an “e” at the end, so the school was also embarrassed as well as VP Quayle.

It was about the same time as the tomato column that I attempted to send an e-mail to the pastor at our church. Thinking that it wasn’t being sent, I checked the “Sent” file only to find that I had sent Pastor Trish, who is also blonde, the same e-mail three times. I quickly sent her a fourth one to apologize for my stupidity with technology and perhaps it was a trait of a dumb blonde. She responded, “Blondes are not dumb, we just don’t cover up our mistakes.” I’ve remembered her consoling words.

Hoping this blooper column brings a smile to your face as you enjoy the holiday season.