Widows On Wednesdays -- giving back as a way to heal

By Katie Erdman

Fifteen years ago Widows on Wednesday (WOW) began. It followed a retreat at the home of Judi Carr in Morris. She invited 22 women and 11 came. It turned out that seven of these 11 women were widows.

During lunch that day, Judi overheard a couple of the widows talking about the most difficult days. To her surprise it was not birthdays, holidays or anniversaries, but rather it was Valentine’s Day. A day set aside to spend with the person you love. A day for flowers, dinners, chocolates and special cards. These were some of the things the widows missed most. They stated that eating alone had no flavor or interest.

Judi thought about that and remembered the words from the Prayers of St. Frances, “O Master, grant that I may never seek so much to be consoled but to console.” This became the goal for Widows on Wednesday.

The Widows on Wednesday group from Morris held a baby shower with gifts going to Options for Women. Each lady brought a book and several gift items. Pictured left to right. Judi Carr, Marilyn Smith, Jan Friese(inactive), Carol Zimney, Anne Ellefison, Gladys Beyer, Joann Hanrahan, Marilyn Varnum, Judy Friesen, Jan Trumble holding crib quilt made by Delores Koplin pictured to the right. This is just one of the things this group does to benefit the community. Contributed photo

Back then Judi decided to plan a night out for the widows. She wanted them to be able to have a special night with music, all-expenses-paid dinner, entertainment and valentines. She knew that these ladies had been serving others all their lives and now they needed to be served.

Judi got names of widows from the funeral home from the past year. A dear friend from that year said, “this is Biblical” and gave her a check to start the process. She proceeded to meet with the banquet director at the Prairie Inn and got an estimate for a choice of three dinners including filet mignon, Chicken Kiev and shrimp, along with a cocktail of choice. A sit down, white tablecloth dinner.

From there, Judi contacted family members of the widows she would be inviting. She asked these families to send a personal Valentine Card for their loved one. She was shocked when the families reacted so positively with not only cards but gifts and enough money to cover the meals, gifts and entertainment, along with a limousine ride to and from the event.

Paul Rentz served as Master of Ceremony and there were five groups of special entertainment. Chocolates and door prizes were donated by a friend. It was a wonderful night for the women who would never forget this Valentine’s Day.

This picture, taken 15 years ago, shows Judi Carr of Morris riding in a limo to a special night with music, all-expenses-paid dinner, entertainment and valentines. Judi planned the event for widows in the Morris area. The event was a success and led to the start of Widows on Wednesday (WOW).  Contributed photo 

Since the night was such a success, Judi was inspired to start a widows group in the Morris area, Widows on Wednesday or  WOW, a non-profit organization. The mission statement for Widows on Wednesday is, “By serving others, our grief becomes healed.”

Judi realized that rather than looking for people to console her, she needed to console others. That was the beginning of the Widows on Wednesday group who have been meeting every Wednesday from September through May for the last 15 years. Judi starts each meeting out with a scripture DVD and the women take turns doing a devotional.

With this theme, the group plans, carries out and completes a project for the community throughout the year. The meetings have a lot of laughter and joy while doing this.

She set Wednesday afternoon as the meeting day which began at Judi’s home. They outgrew the space and eventually  moved to the meeting room at the library. This started a weekly tradition for many area widows, but also a group who strives to give back to the community.

Most recently they held a baby shower during the meeting and the widows were asked to bring baby gifts. One member even brought a handmade baby quilt. Others brought diapers, clothing and other baby needs. These items were all wrapped up and donated to Options for Women in Morris.

They have donated to other groups like the Morris Fire Department, Someplace Safe, Soles for Souls, Feed the Hungry, $750 toward the renovation at the DAC, birthday bags and new spring clothes and shoes that were to outfit a toddler boy and girl were donated to Options for Women. The Stevens County Food Shelf was given a donation which was matched by Cargill, and a donation went to Good Samaritan Purse. There have been many speakers and entertainers at the meetings and often the women share memories and hear about the experiences of others. During one of the meetings they had a guitarist come to sing and the group was inspired to prepare and donate gift bags to the Homeless Shelter in Minnesota.

This is the crib quilt made by Delores Koplin from the baby shower that was donated to Options for Women. Pictured is Judi Carr with Marilyn Smith of Option for Women. Contributed photo

Christmas of 2023 Judi gathered children from the community to provide a program at the Legacy Assisted Living Center. There was a surprise visit from Santa and Mrs. Claus and pictures taken. The Widows on Wednesday group enjoyed taking old Christmas Cards and making them into beautiful placemats for each resident. This past Christmas reindeer bags were created, filled with treats and given out along with Meals on Wheels delivery.

Other fun times included celebrating Halloween with costumes, making and donating Easter baskets, and making smile boxes. They have made Comfort Cases, which are pillowcases and prayer cards to offer comfort for new widows. Grief books were available with these. At Christmas they hold a special candlelight service where each woman lights a candle for their loved one.

One year on Memorial Day a visit was made to each gravesite of their loved ones. Each lady shared a memory of her spouse, a circle of life prayer service was held, and a white rose was presented to them. This ended with a service at Calvary Cemetery for music, prayers, and a balloon release.

They have gone on bus trips to Plymouth theatre, quilt show, and mystery trips. The group goes out to eat once a month and takes in a movie together.

Santa and Mrs. Claus visited with residents at The Legacy Living Center and took pictures with some. With the north pole couple are Judi Carr and Marilyn Smith as the elves. Contributed photo

Judi would like to express her deep appreciation for the generosity of the widows, their family members, and the Morris community for their love and support.

Anyone wanting to join the group can come to meetings at the library on Wednesdays from 1 - 4 p.m.

When asked how she comes up with these ideas she replied, “When I can’t sleep at night. This is what I think about.”

Judi remembers the words of the famous saying from  Etienne de Grellet: “I shall pass through this life but once. Any good therefore that I can do, or any kindness I can show, let me do it now. Let me not deter or neglect it. For I shall never pass this way again.”

“I keep doing it because of the joy and changes I see each week in these members.” Judi stated. “The response to the Widows on Wednesday is a beautiful flowing of the thread of love that God has woven from hearts of grief to a masterpiece of quilted togetherness.”